The Little Things in Life

Tonight our household was a flurry of cardstock, heart stickers, Hannah Montana temporary tattoos and, of course, candy. It is that time of year again as schoolage children all over start having their Valentine's day parties. Ours happens to be a bit early this year because they are getting a long weekend-dubbed "Winter break".

Rachael, our oldest, sat on the floor, surrounded by a sea of red ICarly cards, patiently lettering each with the names of her classmates, for the most part by herself. Every once in awhile she would ask what came after this letter or that in a friend's name, and I asked her several times if she had remembered everyone in her class. She assured me she did.

Emma, on the other hand, signed each of her cards with her name after I filled in the name of each preschooler she goes to school with...except for the new boy which, unfortunately, we don't know his name and also can't find "this list" that he is on. So, with Emma in the morning will go a blank card in which I hope her teacher will take the time to fill in said boy's name.

Rachael, however, will get to spend her Valentine's day party home with us, her third day home from school, because today the doctor said she has strep. I feel so bad for her that she will miss her Kindergarten party, but there will be others.

I love Valentine's day, unlike so many. Not that I don't remember those tumulutous pre-teen years when you still gave out Valentine's but you worried that you wouldn't get any from the boy you really liked. Or, I suppose it could be like Charlie Brown and not get one from that one special girl, the one with the red curly locks. But, on the whole I really do like Valentine's day- as long as I remember that it's not about what I will get (because if that was the case I'd be disappointed every time!) but it's how I spend it with those I love that really count.. If I remember that then Valentine's day could be like Christmas- not just one day out of the year but it could be every day if you want.

After trying to read a catch up with one of my favorite blogs today, it lead me to another blog that is quickly becoming a favorite. Her most recent post is about loving your in-laws. This is not generally an issue for me. Yes, I get upset and frustrated with them- who doesn't an any relationship? But, on the whole I really do love them almost as much as my own (and, in the case of my father-in-law- even more so than the man who would be my father). But- I began to question my approach to my relationship to my own husband. I have tried to be patient, and loving, and kind. But, I haven't been so good on the keeping no record of wrongs. Even as I lecture my own kids on keeping score, I silently keep a scoreboard on their dad...and it's not pretty. "Did not help clean up the living room....again.." "Forgot to take out the trash...again." "Just had to throw HIS trash away for him...again." It's easy to get frustrated. It's easy to pray for change...on his end. And, then I wonder why I see no results.

When was the last time I simply prayed for the Lord to help me love him more? I'm not sure I ever remember praying in this way. I certainly could love him more, and I don't mean that as an insult either. Even if I loved him more today than I had ever before, there's always room for more. The love of Christ is infinite, and ours should strive to be as well.

Dear Father, help me to show more love toward my husband. Even in the most difficult of times, and even in the most seemly impossible of circumstances, help me to love him more. Remind me of 1 Corinthians 13, and especially the part where it says that love "keeps no record of wrongs," and help me to do just that. In Jesus' holy precious name, Amen.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -Psalm 139:17-18

When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. you honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."


When I first read that I nodded contentedly to myself and moved on, but now tonight it kind of caught my breath as I read it. If I wasn't sworn to complete honesty writing this blog, I'm not sure I would say this to anyone else. I'm not sure I ever looked at dh before, even while we were dating. I'm not sure I spent hours dreaming of what he looked like, wondering what he was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say. I do know I did that with my previous boyfriends, each one with whom I was overly infatuated with, ga-ga over, and in love. And each one of these stole my heart, took it in their hands, and splintered it into several pieces. I can, if I try, still feel the pain, although buried under years of "moving on" because it was the right thing to do. And it was.

However, when I met dh, I had more control over my emotions. After all, I wasn't sure how many more times my heart could afford to be broken. I thought I had matured, that before I had let my feelings control me. Was I wrong this whole time?

Now, do not get me wrong, whatever you do. I do love my husband with my entire heart and soul. But, have I allowed myself to really see him. Have I spent hours dreaming about him? It's not too late. I can start today.
 

CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVE NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM.
 

I think I kind of surprised him, however it did happen to be his birthday. So I was able to simply ask him how his birthday was going so far. I did surprise him when I asked him if he needed anything.

It also mentioned thinking ahead to the next great event, so I thought carefully how to proceed with the evening. Asking him to put the kids to bed while I cook him a delicious dinner, something I knew he would enjoy. That worked pretty well.

Here's where it gets interesting. I "prepared" for bed, and saw it was going to take a little bit of a challenge to get anywhere. And, honestly, I wasn't much in the mood either.  I realized I'm always begging him for a back massage, but when was the last one I offered one for him...so I got out the oil, started massaging and "dreaming" of him.

Mmmmm....life is good.

Day Three was actually two days ago but while getting to a computer around here isn't necessarily difficult anymore, having the wireless modem at the same time is. I also have my assistant trying to help me type currently...which means for a two year old getting in the way. Have I also mentioned how much I don't like digital reception versus analog? But that's another topic entirely and not one I'm prepared to get into tonight. At least if it got a bit snowy I didn't miss anything...but when the digital looses reception.

SO....day three: Love is not Selfish. When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that's a sign of selfishness. Yeah, tell me about it. I live with it every day. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness.  Ouch. The Spirit has convicted me of such matters, too. The time I spend complaining to my mother about how selfish he is, that still small voice (Spirit does not yell, after all he is a gentleman) gently questions, "Are you being just as selfish, though, by complaining?" Then I try to ignore Him, allowing my inner torment and frustration drown Him out. 

 So not only is it important then for me to bite my tongue, something that becomes quite difficult sometimes...but I have to actually seek out ways for him to feel loved by me. This is going to take a bit of work, especially on the nights when I'm most tired, crabby, irritable... It will be a struggle. It better be worth it.

Day two challenge: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.


While this morning I copied over the challenge to end my previous blog, it wasn't until at lunch that I read the devotional that went with today's challenge.

It said something that caught my eye.

In my own words, it said something to the effect that when a wife does acts of kindness for her husband, and does them for him first, without any pressure or coercing, it frees the wife to not have to worry about her rights.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I know how I should feel, but of course deep down I am a creature of sinful nature, and sinful thoughts. After all, it's been about my rights all along, right? My right to feel that I'm being taken advantage of because I'm the one that's expected to work full-time, cook, clean, do laundry and take care of three small children! Why should I act in kindness to him if he can't do anything for me ever.

Ah, the sinful self. In today's modern age we would agree with this argument. Why is it that men feel they have the right to sit down and watch tv or read the paper and put up their feet after work, when a woman's work is never done? Shouldn't it be equal? 50/50, after all this is a partnership, isn't it?

In a perfect world...maybe. But since when has this ever been a perfect world? Not since the fall of man has this world ever experienced perfection...and it's gradually getting worse. And, when you think of it, what character trait is getting the boot probably more so than any other? I could be wrong, but perhaps if there were just a bit less "me first" and a little more kindness in the world I bet we could all just...

...get along?

So, that's it.

So, not only do I bite my tongue today (although I made some comments that, although never came out blaming him outright, you could tell the intention behind the words. I forgot myself momentarily.) I find some way to show some unexpected kindness.

When we arrived home from ballet/ karate tonight, I start on dinner. Not planning ahead properly as to have enough to buy what's on the menu list this week, I mentally inventory our cupboards and decide that spaghetti is probably our best bet. Stopped for sauce, the important thing missing, plus a jug of milk (we need to buy stock in our local dairy farm!) and a can of mushrooms. As I prepare the meat and the noodles I looked around for the bag of salad that I knew would be turning very soon if not eaten promptly, when lo and behold I also found zuchinni and squash needing to be eaten.

Talk about a supper fit for a king! Or at least some mafia godfather anyway. So dh was holed up in our bedroom, studying (he finally received his book today and so he could begin his class.) I bring in a fully prepared plate-spaghetti, sauteed squash, salad and garlic-cheese bread. I hand it to him with a gentle remark about my student being hungry. This was my unexpected act of kindness...I often plate his dinner, but the unexpected part was that I brought it to him in our room so he wouldn't have to stop studying. He liked that. Will I always choose kindness? Probably not, but I will do it perhaps a little more often.

So, now I close. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule to stop staying up so late at night. My goal is to get up earlier in the morning so I can get more done before going to work. I'm just too tired to get it done after work and putting the kids to bed. I still have to create my checklist of things to do for the morning and time is getting away from me. Goodnight.

Ah, it's good to be back. I never realized how much I missed this place. It's warm, it's comfortable. Like a nice big bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup...or Chicken Corn Chowder which I like better. Lots of things have happened since I last stopped by. First, I was let go from my comfy job which allowed me lots of time to visit you. I went back to teaching, which has been wonderful, but in the meantime I was without income for almost three months until school started. This had it's ups and downs. The only down I can say is the obvious part about being strapped for cash, making us eliminate everything but the bare necessities...even a lot of that we had to receive a bit of assistance on. Besides that, however, I got to end a wonderful summer with my girls, who are growing fast. Kaleigh, who had up until that point had assumed that grandma must have given birth to her, discovered who her mother truly was. She still loves her ma-mah, but she doesn't cry anymore when ma-mah has to leave.


Thankfully, from just about day one of school I have been kept busy substituting. After only two weeks into the school year I was offered a position filing in for an empty para position in a special needs room (alternate education) that they hadn't found the right candidate for yet. What started out as a week stint has turned into four wonderful months...and I think they have stopped trying to fill it for this year. There is a chemistry in the room between the three of us, the true teacher, the second para, and myself. The children have come from running the room with us being able to accomplish nothing, to an actual learning environment. Sure, there are some that still are, well, strong willed let's say and try to still control things...they usually don't get too far. The key is that they know that they are loved and that they are safe with us. It's a beautiful thing.

And, recently, dh has decided to put down his knives and hang up his aprons for good. It was a decision that didn't come without mixed emotions, but after 5 years and still only making a little more than minimum wage, it was a decision that was for the best. In a little over one week, he will have his last day cooking. He is starting a bookkeeping class, and has already received interest from several top companies. He even has a job interview today with a strong financial institution...one I haven't heard in the news recently as needing a bail-out (although I realize that some are done completely under the table with no stink from the media.) In about two or three months (crossing fingers and saying lots of prayers) he's turning his less than 20,000 income and almost doubling it. Maybe for once I can come on here and not bemoan our financial situation!

Even for me, returning to teach seems to have increased my income, although I don't have near the deductions coming out of my checks either. Substitutes aren't offered health insurance. However, I love my situtation so much that I've decided to go ahead and complete my master's degree at UNO in Special Education. That starts this summer, although I fear I won't have the registration fee in on time to officially begin in the program by summer, I will still be able to take two of the classes I need as a non-degree seeker for my certification renewal this August, then officially start the program this fall.

Reading back on my previous posts brought back lots of memories for me. My oldest has now turned another year older...still into time as ever. She now takes dance lessons. My two year old is now three, and she is into Tai Kwon Do with a passion. My youngest doesn't turn two for another month. She is still a cuddle bug. We are celebrating all "four" (Emma not included since her birthday isn't until late summer) of our birthdays this next month by taking a mini-vacation together.

I took a look at some of the things on my 101 things wish list...and I'm proud to say I have accomplished a few things. DH and I took the little ones hiking, not too far away but that's fine. They loved it, although exhausted towards the end. I've taken them ice skating now, but not roller skating though. I've been to a Joyce Meyer conference and I am working through Battlefield of the Mind. Still working on that budget but it seems like I can write one up at the end of the month for the next month, and then it's set aside like a forgotten old shoe. I've been to Chicago, although only for the day and not with my family. We are no closer to buying a house then we were before, so everything in regards to that may not get done before October of 2010. First we need to get debt free, now that hopefully can be realized sooner than later based on DH's career move as long as we don't increase our cost of living by a lot.

There is so much I want to cover. In my next post I want to talk about this strengths class we are taking with church. That is fascinating. However, I want to journal about Fireproofing before I run out of time! (I'm writing this quick prior to leaving for work...)

Fireproof (for those of you who may have been in a cave) was the unexpected blockbuster movie of last year. It is also the basis of the book "The Love Dare". A challenge, so to speak, to all married couples. Based on the idea that as a firefighter that you never leave your partner behind, why is it that it's okay to do so in our marriages today? I've decided to take up the challenge of "Fireproofing my marriage" as a personal challenge, and yesterday was day one of forty lifechanging days. As I quote from the book,

All is quiet except for the hum of the furnace, turned on to combat the chill of the rainy day...and Kaleigh, my youngest, hurting from the onset of a new baby tooth. I try to console her, and have given her baby tylenol...but the pain is still too much for her little mouth to bear. It's raining outside- I watch from my patio door as it comes down in a steady rhythm. I've set my marigolds my oldest gave me as part of her her preschool mother's day present out to drink in nature's goodness. Spring is finally upon us. 

My family has received a gift of new life...like caterpillers that have broke free from our imprisoning cocoon. We are finally out on our own again, out of my mother's house. 

So, tomarrow is Mother's day. What has it meant to be a mother, exactly? In the last four years I have:

Experienced pregancy four times. Experienced one miscarriage. Experienced the joy of feeling the first kick three times. I have been in serious labor a total of 36 hours, approximately. I have held three daughters for the first time three times. I have changed more diapers than I can count.

I have wiped snotty noses, administered feedings, given baths. I've had to get up numerous times in the middle of the night to answer a cry...and a few just to check on them "one more time."  

I've been to at least 24 well-baby checks to the doctor, not to mention the number of sick-baby visits. I've had to hold kids down for shots and tell them, "Shh..mommy's got you" to help them remain calm. I've had to give medicine and play airplane and tell them, "This will make you feel better."  I've had to be ushered out of the room once while doctors performed a spinal tap on my less than one week old child. 

I've had to deal with temper tantrums, sibling rivalry, and fights at bedtime. Some fights I have lost and gI have cleaned up more messes than you can imagine.

I've bandaged boo-boos, taken out splinters, and kissed them all with mommy's special healing touch. I've read thousands of stories, sometimes the same ones...and said bedtime prayers 1,410 times. 

I've heard first words, seen first steps. I've made formula, baby cereal, and baby food. I've been peed on ten times, and had, so far, one successful potty training. 

We've had three baptisms, two first day of Sunday schools, and a first day of preschool. 

We've played at playgrounds, had picnics, splashed at water parks...I've colored pictures, played games, and had tea parties. 

I've given kisses, hugs, eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses. I've said I Love You more times in one day than some may say in a whole lifetime. 

I've received kisses, hugs, eskimo kisses, and butterfly kisses. I've heard I Love You more than any one person deserves.

I wouldn't trade my job for the world.

I do not understand what I do...It is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me...For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing...I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin. I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:15-25

 

For those of you that have read Ted Dekker, you already know what an awe-inspiring writer he is. For those of you who don't, I highly recommend picking up this book I just couldn't put down, Thr3e. Something I have not revealed yet is that I am an aspiring writer...if only God could have granted me the gift he has this man...not that we are to covet one anothers talents.

In Thr3e, the main character, Kevin, looks like your everyday man. In fact, he is your everyday man...with a secret that is trying to overtake him. He's good looking (why are all the hero's and heroine's good looking? Well, most), a seminary student...and deeply intellegent. What's not to like? His shattered and broken childhood.

Out of the blue, a stranger appears out of the blue who's sole desire is to tear Kevin down...mentally. What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall?  He is consumed with opposites, and threes. There is a bomb in the car Kevin, and it will blow in 3 minutes if you don't confess your sin. 

When Kevin is unaware of what "sin" he is too confess, he gets off the busy road as quickly as he can, cutting off drivers and clipping fenders. He gets to a safe place and, just when it seems that the stranger is just trying to make Kevin look like a fool- the car blows. The game is on.

He places a call to his best friend from childhood, the only one who knows at least some of his secrets, but even she doesn't know all. Samantha, who is now with the California Bureau of Investigations, comes to his aide. 

But what happens in a world where nothing is what it seems? When black is white, when good is evil, and what's real is unreal?


Okay, so this sounds like a book review...which it is. I loved the book. But, even more so, a review on our lives. Kevin has this facination with absolute morals in the book, after his adoptive mother decided that the only truth in the world was what she made it...everything else is unreal. But he sees the same "sins" within the church as he saw in real world...just covered up, slid under the rug...kept in the dark. 

What sins do we hide that we don't want the real world to see? What demons do we battle behind the scenes while everyday we smile and go on our merry way? And how do we beat them? We shine the light on them. Bring them out of the darkness and expose them to the light of day. They wither away. 

What I want to do I do not do and what I don't want to do I do. I don't wish to yell at my kids, but I'm tired. My nerves are stretched. I want to be affectionate with my husband, but instead I lie and pray that he might touch me instead, crying warm tears and hoping he doesn't hear. Other sins that go on behind closed doors that no one knows about...sometimes the closed doors of our minds.

But, now how to go about exposing the light of day to them? I know what the Word says, and Jesus is the Light of the world. I know this. But, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. This is the man struggling between the two.  And so the role play continues, until we find the answer.


  

This whole year at  MOPS our theme has been the home. At each speaker meeting the invited guest speaker would take a room of the house and speak on that particular room and relate it somehow to our relationships with each other and Christ. Last night's speaker spoke on the garden...the original garden, our own gardens that we plant, and the garden of our soul. 

I started thinking of how I wanted to present my patio at the apartment. Spring is the perfect time to move in, I can plan on getting some containers and some hanging baskets to prepare for this summer. Include a few simple lawn chairs and a small table, and oil`a, a soothing place where I can commune with the Lord in the cool of the morning. 

I have to admit, I didn't bloom very well at my mom's house. Rough, rocky ground led to a weakend stem. I do have to say that there was plenty of exposure to the SON so that was probably my only saving grace. 

First thing that is happening at my new planting ground is, well, working the ground. We are starting with a clean slate. Fresh, clean ground-no clutter. Lots of good food. Room to grow. Exposure to sonlight everyday. Nurturing each other is very important as well. I want to impart Christ's frangrance around me where ever I go. Only when I'm blooming at my fullest, my most vibrant can I do that. Clean out the weeds of sin that try to choke me. 

Transplanting is going to be fun.