The Little Things in Life

Hearts and Roses and ICarly cards too...

2010-02-10T05:40:14Z

Tonight our household was a flurry of cardstock, heart stickers, Hannah Montana temporary tattoos and, of course, candy. It is that time of year again as schoolage children all over start having their Valentine's day parties. Ours happens to be a bit early this year because they are getting a long weekend-dubbed "Winter break".

Rachael, our oldest, sat on the floor, surrounded by a sea of red ICarly cards, patiently lettering each with the names of her classmates, for the most part by herself. Every once in awhile she would ask what came after this letter or that in a friend's name, and I asked her several times if she had remembered everyone in her class. She assured me she did.

Emma, on the other hand, signed each of her cards with her name after I filled in the name of each preschooler she goes to school with...except for the new boy which, unfortunately, we don't know his name and also can't find "this list" that he is on. So, with Emma in the morning will go a blank card in which I hope her teacher will take the time to fill in said boy's name.

Rachael, however, will get to spend her Valentine's day party home with us, her third day home from school, because today the doctor said she has strep. I feel so bad for her that she will miss her Kindergarten party, but there will be others.

I love Valentine's day, unlike so many. Not that I don't remember those tumulutous pre-teen years when you still gave out Valentine's but you worried that you wouldn't get any from the boy you really liked. Or, I suppose it could be like Charlie Brown and not get one from that one special girl, the one with the red curly locks. But, on the whole I really do like Valentine's day- as long as I remember that it's not about what I will get (because if that was the case I'd be disappointed every time!) but it's how I spend it with those I love that really count.. If I remember that then Valentine's day could be like Christmas- not just one day out of the year but it could be every day if you want.

After trying to read a catch up with one of my favorite blogs today, it lead me to another blog that is quickly becoming a favorite. Her most recent post is about loving your in-laws. This is not generally an issue for me. Yes, I get upset and frustrated with them- who doesn't an any relationship? But, on the whole I really do love them almost as much as my own (and, in the case of my father-in-law- even more so than the man who would be my father). But- I began to question my approach to my relationship to my own husband. I have tried to be patient, and loving, and kind. But, I haven't been so good on the keeping no record of wrongs. Even as I lecture my own kids on keeping score, I silently keep a scoreboard on their dad...and it's not pretty. "Did not help clean up the living room....again.." "Forgot to take out the trash...again." "Just had to throw HIS trash away for him...again." It's easy to get frustrated. It's easy to pray for change...on his end. And, then I wonder why I see no results.

When was the last time I simply prayed for the Lord to help me love him more? I'm not sure I ever remember praying in this way. I certainly could love him more, and I don't mean that as an insult either. Even if I loved him more today than I had ever before, there's always room for more. The love of Christ is infinite, and ours should strive to be as well.

Dear Father, help me to show more love toward my husband. Even in the most difficult of times, and even in the most seemly impossible of circumstances, help me to love him more. Remind me of 1 Corinthians 13, and especially the part where it says that love "keeps no record of wrongs," and help me to do just that. In Jesus' holy precious name, Amen.

Day 6: Love is not irritable

2009-02-03T06:03:49Z

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. - Proverbs 16:32

Now this one spoke to me. I'm the one to always feel irritated, this is the weak spot for me in our marriage. I have to put the kids to bed, by myself, again, while he's on the computer. (Tonight, yes this was how it was but he was studying, so tonight I give him slack). He was home all day and yet the dirty dishes remain on the counter. The trash, the one consistent chore I ask him to do, remains piled up in the corner. Knowing we had no money, he chose to eat out, again. I could go on and on with this one.

To be irritable means "to be near the point of a knife." Interesting. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercises emotional self-control. (And I like this part right here:) She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations. (emphasis mine.)

They want me to do what!?! Respond pleasantly?!? *sigh* I would rather bang my head on a brick wall and cry.

Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. Yep, nailed that one on the head. So, what can we do about it? The book says we should pray through our anxieties instead of tackling them on your own, to delegate when you are overworked, and to avoid overindulgence. Well, I've seen what delegation gets me, unfortunately. Five days of watching trash pile up...if not longer. I'll keep trying, but so far I don't get far with that one. Avoiding overindulgence...hmmm, not quite sure what it means by that. I don't buy a lot of things I don't need...even though there never seems enough to go around. Eating out too much is our vice there....yes, that's a form of overindulgence. Praying through my anxieties...that one I could do more often.

The heart of the problem..the motivation? Selfishness. Don't get me started on that one!

This one is so hard for me to write on...it hits too close to home. But, slowly, I'm learning to let go and give it to God. I'm learning to forgive instead of holding a grudge. I'm learning to just do the best I can and ask Him to help with the rest. Maybe, eventually, it'll get easier.

CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN BY MAKING A LIST BELOW OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOUR LIFE.

This is so difficult for me! I don't know where to begin! Let me list my typical day:

7-7:30 am: I get up to get ready for work. I start working on the girls to get them up. Most of the time I'm still so tired I can't get out of bed (honestly I've considered undergoing a sleep study to see if I'm just not getting good quality of sleep at night...and if there is something that could help me out!)
8:00- goal to leave the house with children to make it to work on time (Obviously it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know you can't get one adult and three children ready in less than one hour, breakfast included...I'm already behind schedule)
8:15-finally out of the house and buckling children in car seat...leaving fifteen minutes to get to work

8:20- children finally strapped into car seats and demands met-pulling out of parking spot...10 minutes to get to work.
8:45-finally arrive at work, was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago.
8:45-4:00, 4:15, 4:20..sometimes 5 p.m. - working, with special needs children...satisfying yet exhausting on some days. Time left varies on what time dh arrives with kids to pick me up.
5:00-6 p.m.- arrive home, start on supper.
7 p.m.- eating supper
8 p.m. - preparing girls for bed
8:30-9 p.m. girls finally asleep...sometimes for middle one this is much later.
10 p.m.- I'm ready to crash, but this all depends on what I feel absolutely needs to be done. Tonight, this is laundry and I'm going to be up until midnight finishing it.

On Tuesdays, the girls have dance and karate starting at 5 p.m. This lasts until 6 p.m. We arrive home approx. 6:20 usually to discover that dh still hasn't started dinner. I must still make. On Wednesdays, we have class at church at 6:45, so I try to have dinner done and we are on the road again with 6:15 as goal, 6:30 typical. Of course, we are late. On Thursdays, dh is supposed to take middle one to her second karate lesson for the week at 2 p.m. He hardly ever makes it, which means I take her at 5:30.

We do eat out quite a bit, but not as often as we used to. Our budget just can't take it.

So- where do I start adding margin? As dishes pile up, clothes and toys get scattered throughout the living room and dining room, and evidence of snacking starts in the kitchen and can be followed like Hansel and Gretel's bread crumbs into the bedroom (there is to be no food in the bedroom, however mommy isn't at home during the day to enforce it.) I would have the girls' pick up their clothes and toys before bed as part of their ritual, except a.) it is usually met with either resistance or ignoring as they continue to play...and when I get tough on them they stand there and cry and still don't do anything! and b.) by this time mommy is sooooo tired, all she wants from them is snoring!

I would just love a little help during the day, from whomever is home with them watching them. It may be daddy, or grandma. I try to delegate and ask that things be picked up...just to come home and find it is still not done.

So honestly I have a choice. I can stay up until midnight or one o'clock every night just picking up dirty clothes, toys, vacuuming and doing dishes, and I've done it before. The result is a very cranky mother the next day, and teacher, because I've gotten no rest. Or, let it go, and then you can tell what happens next. A dirty, disgusting slob of a house (please don't call social services I beg!!!) (Oh- and no one need suggest Flylady, already a flybaby, but still having difficulty just getting my routines done...that's when I'm up until midnight!)

Class on Wednesday is important to me, as is Mission Adventure Club is for the kids. And each girl is in only one activity of their choice (youngest not being old enough yet). I want them to be able to have the freedom of expressing themselves in how they would like, and this is how they choose to do that. The oldest in dance, the middle with karate (by the way, I love martial arts and would love to start myself, if I had the extra $$$.)

Saturday is either relegated to clean the house day, which is so dreaded by all involved (mostly me) or family fun day, which is much more preferred. We had been going to church too on Saturdays since dh always worked Sunday morning, but the last two weeks I've gotten to go again on Sunday mornings with my mother. Church is my sanctuary, the girls are doing their thing and having a blast doing it, and I get to rest and relax and praise my King.

So let's look at wrong motivations. I honestly don't think selfishness is a factor for me. Not that I don't have selfishness in me, I'm a sinful human. But I don't think it's selfish to want a livable house and have some help doing it, especially when you are a working parent. If I was a stay at home parent, which I applaud those who do, I wouldn't expect as much help but the rent wouldn't be paid either and the electricity would have been shut off a long time ago. Perfectionism, yes...I have in my mind a vision of what I want my place to look like. Of the person I want to be. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Pictures on the wall (we've been here a year and still only my sofa picture on the wall). A warm, welcoming place fifteen minutes or less away from being picture perfect for company. For someone to say "Wow, I can't believe she has three young kids, works full time and manages to keep her home looking so neat and tidy and beautiful." (Wow, I hear a hint of pride there as well...not good.)

The next door neighbor tonight showed me some defect on her ceiling she is trying to get maintenance into fix. She has two small children, smaller than mine, and she works full time as well. Yet when I walked in, I couldn't see the leaky patch on her ceiling, the mold peaking through the plaster. I saw a clean apartment and covetousness set in. I so wanted what she had! There was three toys still laying out on the beautifully manicured carpet. And, of course, she ask that I excuse her mess! Yet I knew what I was hiding behind our door. Like a monster seeking to get out, one we had held at bay yesterday for a few short hours while our friends were over for the game, but came out as soon as they were out the door. I would just love to slay that monster once and for all!

Day 5: Love is not rude...

2009-02-03T04:55:05Z

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. Proverbs 27:4

I can't believe I left off on only day four...it's not that I haven't been keeping up, I've just not been able to get to the computer as often as I'd like. But I digress.

I'm almost embarrassed, as I can't remember now any of my thoughts regarding this particular day...other than thinking that I'm pretty good at this as it is. Not to say I'm perfect and have a big head...there are times in which I may use sarcasm or use a biting tone when we are in the middle of an argument. The thought You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Joyce Meyer has mentioned that same kind of behavior, too, in some of her messages.

The book lists three guiding principles by which to practice etiquette in our marriages:
1. Guard the Golden rule.
2. No double standards.
3. Honor requests.

Okay, on occasion Satan has tricked me into not following through with principle 3. There have been a few times (although not many) where he has asked me to do something and because I am angry with him for not following through on something, I choose not to honor his request. Not, probably, the best way to handle a fight...maybe if you are back in third grade or something.

ASK YOUR SPOUSE TO TELL YOU THREE THINGS THAT CAUSE HIM OR HER TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. YOU MUST DO SO WITHOUT ATTACKING THEM OR JUSTIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR. THIS IS FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE ONLY.

It took me a few days to do this, mostly because by the time I read the book he was already asleep...and I'm sure the last thing he wanted was for me to go wake him up just to ask him how I irritated him. I can tell you the first thing on the list would be waking him up to ask him such a silly question!

So, I finally got around to asking him about it yesterday. He insisted that there was nothing about me that irritated him. I pressed him, told him not to be afraid of retaliation, I just wanted to know. He still insisted that there was nothing. I know that this isn't true... I know that if I have to go into the bedroom to get something or if I have to ask him something when he's got to get up for work at 3 am, then it irritates him to be woken up. I try to avoid the bedroom if at all possible until I'm ready for bed. Otherwise, I'm not sure myself...unless if the apartment is messy (which unfortunately is quite often with three small children)- sometimes he acts like it bothers him, like I'm not doing my duty as a wife...but sometimes I wonder if I'm reading into things that aren't there.

I am so exhausted, but I still have to dry clothes. I won't see bed before midnight. *sigh* Maybe I'll through them in the dryer and ask him to retrieve them when he gets up to go tomorrow morning. I hate doing that since we have to use complex washers/dryers, but sometimes I'm not sure what else to do. He has applied to two jobs this weekend, and then I guess three more today. Hopefully one will contact him for an interview tomorrow. The closer Wednesday comes (his last day) the more nervous I get that he has nothing to go to. Pray that he will be contacted soon!

Day 4: Love is Thoughtful

2009-01-31T02:44:46Z

How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -Psalm 139:17-18

When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. you honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."

When I first read that I nodded contentedly to myself and moved on, but now tonight it kind of caught my breath as I read it. If I wasn't sworn to complete honesty writing this blog, I'm not sure I would say this to anyone else. I'm not sure I ever looked at dh before, even while we were dating. I'm not sure I spent hours dreaming of what he looked like, wondering what he was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say. I do know I did that with my previous boyfriends, each one with whom I was overly infatuated with, ga-ga over, and in love. And each one of these stole my heart, took it in their hands, and splintered it into several pieces. I can, if I try, still feel the pain, although buried under years of "moving on" because it was the right thing to do. And it was.

However, when I met dh, I had more control over my emotions. After all, I wasn't sure how many more times my heart could afford to be broken. I thought I had matured, that before I had let my feelings control me. Was I wrong this whole time?

Now, do not get me wrong, whatever you do. I do love my husband with my entire heart and soul. But, have I allowed myself to really see him. Have I spent hours dreaming about him? It's not too late. I can start today.

CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVE NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM.

I think I kind of surprised him, however it did happen to be his birthday. So I was able to simply ask him how his birthday was going so far. I did surprise him when I asked him if he needed anything.

It also mentioned thinking ahead to the next great event, so I thought carefully how to proceed with the evening. Asking him to put the kids to bed while I cook him a delicious dinner, something I knew he would enjoy. That worked pretty well.

Here's where it gets interesting. I "prepared" for bed, and saw it was going to take a little bit of a challenge to get anywhere. And, honestly, I wasn't much in the mood either. I realized I'm always begging him for a back massage, but when was the last one I offered one for him...so I got out the oil, started massaging and "dreaming" of him.

Mmmmm....life is good.

Day Three: Love is not Selfish

2009-01-31T01:46:49Z

Day Three was actually two days ago but while getting to a computer around here isn't necessarily difficult anymore, having the wireless modem at the same time is. I also have my assistant trying to help me type currently...which means for a two year old getting in the way. Have I also mentioned how much I don't like digital reception versus analog? But that's another topic entirely and not one I'm prepared to get into tonight. At least if it got a bit snowy I didn't miss anything...but when the digital looses reception.

SO....day three: Love is not Selfish. When a husband puts his interests, desires and priorities in front of his wife, that's a sign of selfishness. Yeah, tell me about it. I live with it every day. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. Ouch. The Spirit has convicted me of such matters, too. The time I spend complaining to my mother about how selfish he is, that still small voice (Spirit does not yell, after all he is a gentleman) gently questions, "Are you being just as selfish, though, by complaining?" Then I try to ignore Him, allowing my inner torment and frustration drown Him out.

So not only is it important then for me to bite my tongue, something that becomes quite difficult sometimes...but I have to actually seek out ways for him to feel loved by me. This is going to take a bit of work, especially on the nights when I'm most tired, crabby, irritable... It will be a struggle. It better be worth it.

WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND MONEY INTO WILL BECOME MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU. IT'S HARD TO CARE FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT INVESTING IN. ALONG WITH RESTRAINING FROM NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUY YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING THAT SAYS, "I WAS THINKING OF YOU TODAY.

I couldn't "buy" anything for him today, would that I could. I went to work with $1 and change in my pocket and had already spent them at lunch on a soda and something from the vending machine prior to reading the challenge. However, my coworker had a beautiful frying pan that she had brought in actually the day before, and I graciously accepted and brought it home, and told him it was for him. ;) beings that he has quite the passion for cooking, I felt it was appropriate.

Officially I bought something last night...His birthday dinner and a birthday card. I'll cover more of that under my next post.

Day 2: Love is Kind

2009-01-28T04:43:22Z

Day two challenge: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

While this morning I copied over the challenge to end my previous blog, it wasn't until at lunch that I read the devotional that went with today's challenge.

It said something that caught my eye.

In my own words, it said something to the effect that when a wife does acts of kindness for her husband, and does them for him first, without any pressure or coercing, it frees the wife to not have to worry about her rights.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I know how I should feel, but of course deep down I am a creature of sinful nature, and sinful thoughts. After all, it's been about my rights all along, right? My right to feel that I'm being taken advantage of because I'm the one that's expected to work full-time, cook, clean, do laundry and take care of three small children! Why should I act in kindness to him if he can't do anything for me ever.

Ah, the sinful self. In today's modern age we would agree with this argument. Why is it that men feel they have the right to sit down and watch tv or read the paper and put up their feet after work, when a woman's work is never done? Shouldn't it be equal? 50/50, after all this is a partnership, isn't it?

In a perfect world...maybe. But since when has this ever been a perfect world? Not since the fall of man has this world ever experienced perfection...and it's gradually getting worse. And, when you think of it, what character trait is getting the boot probably more so than any other? I could be wrong, but perhaps if there were just a bit less "me first" and a little more kindness in the world I bet we could all just...

...get along?

So, that's it.

So, not only do I bite my tongue today (although I made some comments that, although never came out blaming him outright, you could tell the intention behind the words. I forgot myself momentarily.) I find some way to show some unexpected kindness.

When we arrived home from ballet/ karate tonight, I start on dinner. Not planning ahead properly as to have enough to buy what's on the menu list this week, I mentally inventory our cupboards and decide that spaghetti is probably our best bet. Stopped for sauce, the important thing missing, plus a jug of milk (we need to buy stock in our local dairy farm!) and a can of mushrooms. As I prepare the meat and the noodles I looked around for the bag of salad that I knew would be turning very soon if not eaten promptly, when lo and behold I also found zuchinni and squash needing to be eaten.

Talk about a supper fit for a king! Or at least some mafia godfather anyway. So dh was holed up in our bedroom, studying (he finally received his book today and so he could begin his class.) I bring in a fully prepared plate-spaghetti, sauteed squash, salad and garlic-cheese bread. I hand it to him with a gentle remark about my student being hungry. This was my unexpected act of kindness...I often plate his dinner, but the unexpected part was that I brought it to him in our room so he wouldn't have to stop studying. He liked that. Will I always choose kindness? Probably not, but I will do it perhaps a little more often.

So, now I close. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule to stop staying up so late at night. My goal is to get up earlier in the morning so I can get more done before going to work. I'm just too tired to get it done after work and putting the kids to bed. I still have to create my checklist of things to do for the morning and time is getting away from me. Goodnight.

Time to catch up and thoughts on Fireproofing...

2009-01-27T13:47:29Z

Ah, it's good to be back. I never realized how much I missed this place. It's warm, it's comfortable. Like a nice big bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup...or Chicken Corn Chowder which I like better. Lots of things have happened since I last stopped by. First, I was let go from my comfy job which allowed me lots of time to visit you. I went back to teaching, which has been wonderful, but in the meantime I was without income for almost three months until school started. This had it's ups and downs. The only down I can say is the obvious part about being strapped for cash, making us eliminate everything but the bare necessities...even a lot of that we had to receive a bit of assistance on. Besides that, however, I got to end a wonderful summer with my girls, who are growing fast. Kaleigh, who had up until that point had assumed that grandma must have given birth to her, discovered who her mother truly was. She still loves her ma-mah, but she doesn't cry anymore when ma-mah has to leave.

Thankfully, from just about day one of school I have been kept busy substituting. After only two weeks into the school year I was offered a position filing in for an empty para position in a special needs room (alternate education) that they hadn't found the right candidate for yet. What started out as a week stint has turned into four wonderful months...and I think they have stopped trying to fill it for this year. There is a chemistry in the room between the three of us, the true teacher, the second para, and myself. The children have come from running the room with us being able to accomplish nothing, to an actual learning environment. Sure, there are some that still are, well, strong willed let's say and try to still control things...they usually don't get too far. The key is that they know that they are loved and that they are safe with us. It's a beautiful thing.

And, recently, dh has decided to put down his knives and hang up his aprons for good. It was a decision that didn't come without mixed emotions, but after 5 years and still only making a little more than minimum wage, it was a decision that was for the best. In a little over one week, he will have his last day cooking. He is starting a bookkeeping class, and has already received interest from several top companies. He even has a job interview today with a strong financial institution...one I haven't heard in the news recently as needing a bail-out (although I realize that some are done completely under the table with no stink from the media.) In about two or three months (crossing fingers and saying lots of prayers) he's turning his less than 20,000 income and almost doubling it. Maybe for once I can come on here and not bemoan our financial situation!

Even for me, returning to teach seems to have increased my income, although I don't have near the deductions coming out of my checks either. Substitutes aren't offered health insurance. However, I love my situtation so much that I've decided to go ahead and complete my master's degree at UNO in Special Education. That starts this summer, although I fear I won't have the registration fee in on time to officially begin in the program by summer, I will still be able to take two of the classes I need as a non-degree seeker for my certification renewal this August, then officially start the program this fall.

Reading back on my previous posts brought back lots of memories for me. My oldest has now turned another year older...still into time as ever. She now takes dance lessons. My two year old is now three, and she is into Tai Kwon Do with a passion. My youngest doesn't turn two for another month. She is still a cuddle bug. We are celebrating all "four" (Emma not included since her birthday isn't until late summer) of our birthdays this next month by taking a mini-vacation together.

I took a look at some of the things on my 101 things wish list...and I'm proud to say I have accomplished a few things. DH and I took the little ones hiking, not too far away but that's fine. They loved it, although exhausted towards the end. I've taken them ice skating now, but not roller skating though. I've been to a Joyce Meyer conference and I am working through Battlefield of the Mind. Still working on that budget but it seems like I can write one up at the end of the month for the next month, and then it's set aside like a forgotten old shoe. I've been to Chicago, although only for the day and not with my family. We are no closer to buying a house then we were before, so everything in regards to that may not get done before October of 2010. First we need to get debt free, now that hopefully can be realized sooner than later based on DH's career move as long as we don't increase our cost of living by a lot.

There is so much I want to cover. In my next post I want to talk about this strengths class we are taking with church. That is fascinating. However, I want to journal about Fireproofing before I run out of time! (I'm writing this quick prior to leaving for work...)

Fireproof (for those of you who may have been in a cave) was the unexpected blockbuster movie of last year. It is also the basis of the book "The Love Dare". A challenge, so to speak, to all married couples. Based on the idea that as a firefighter that you never leave your partner behind, why is it that it's okay to do so in our marriages today? I've decided to take up the challenge of "Fireproofing my marriage" as a personal challenge, and yesterday was day one of forty lifechanging days. As I quote from the book,

Receive this as a warning. This forty day journey cannot be taken lightly.

It is a challenging and often difficult process, but an incredibly fulfilling one. To take this dare requires a resolute mind and a steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly tested, and those who quite early will forfeit the greatest benefits. If you will commit to a day at a time for forty days, the results could change your life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others who have done it before you.

DAY ONE: Love is Patient. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

I hadn't seen him since early morning when he left for work. However, it was getting quite late as I sat and waited for him to show himself. I had been done with work and as I sit here now and write this I have no idea how long I sat there waiting for him but I knew it was approaching 45 minutes. Maybe longer. Nothing. I grew antsy, I was hungry and I wanted to go home. I NEED my own car, I seethed.

I remembered what the book had said. Demonstrate patience. That's easy for the book to say. It hasn't had to sit here and wait for him more times than I can remember, and then get yelled at if I wasn't here right when he arrives! I decided to call him on the cell to find out how much longer, and resolved to hold my tongue from angry words.

Turns out that after responding to a position at one of the local banks they emailed him back telling him he sounds like a terrific candidate and that they wanted him to come in to fill out an application and have an interview. The hiring personel was busy when he arrived so he hadn't had his interview yet, but of course my heart softened quickly. This time he had good reason to be late. Very, very good reason. He promised me he was almost there, and sure enough, within minutes he pulled up.

If I had jumped to conclusions, which I have been guilty of in the past, I might have been the cause of a good day gone bad. Patience did persevere. There were still more oportunities to speak negative last night but I still held my tongue and chose words carefully.

Day two challenge: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. I will have about eight hours to think of something.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-10T23:37:56Z

All is quiet except for the hum of the furnace, turned on to combat the chill of the rainy day...and Kaleigh, my youngest, hurting from the onset of a new baby tooth. I try to console her, and have given her baby tylenol...but the pain is still too much for her little mouth to bear. It's raining outside- I watch from my patio door as it comes down in a steady rhythm. I've set my marigolds my oldest gave me as part of her her preschool mother's day present out to drink in nature's goodness. Spring is finally upon us.

My family has received a gift of new life...like caterpillers that have broke free from our imprisoning cocoon. We are finally out on our own again, out of my mother's house.

So, tomarrow is Mother's day. What has it meant to be a mother, exactly? In the last four years I have:

Experienced pregancy four times. Experienced one miscarriage. Experienced the joy of feeling the first kick three times. I have been in serious labor a total of 36 hours, approximately. I have held three daughters for the first time three times. I have changed more diapers than I can count.

I have wiped snotty noses, administered feedings, given baths. I've had to get up numerous times in the middle of the night to answer a cry...and a few just to check on them "one more time."

I've been to at least 24 well-baby checks to the doctor, not to mention the number of sick-baby visits. I've had to hold kids down for shots and tell them, "Shh..mommy's got you" to help them remain calm. I've had to give medicine and play airplane and tell them, "This will make you feel better." I've had to be ushered out of the room once while doctors performed a spinal tap on my less than one week old child.

I've had to deal with temper tantrums, sibling rivalry, and fights at bedtime. Some fights I have lost and gI have cleaned up more messes than you can imagine.

I've bandaged boo-boos, taken out splinters, and kissed them all with mommy's special healing touch. I've read thousands of stories, sometimes the same ones...and said bedtime prayers 1,410 times.

I've heard first words, seen first steps. I've made formula, baby cereal, and baby food. I've been peed on ten times, and had, so far, one successful potty training.

We've had three baptisms, two first day of Sunday schools, and a first day of preschool.

We've played at playgrounds, had picnics, splashed at water parks...I've colored pictures, played games, and had tea parties.

I've given kisses, hugs, eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses. I've said I Love You more times in one day than some may say in a whole lifetime.

I've received kisses, hugs, eskimo kisses, and butterfly kisses. I've heard I Love You more than any one person deserves.

I wouldn't trade my job for the world.

The Three Natures of Man: The Good, The Evil, and the Man Struggling Between

2008-04-16T20:06:53Z

I do not understand what I do...It is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me...For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing...I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin. I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:15-25

For those of you that have read Ted Dekker, you already know what an awe-inspiring writer he is. For those of you who don't, I highly recommend picking up this book I just couldn't put down, Thr3e. Something I have not revealed yet is that I am an aspiring writer...if only God could have granted me the gift he has this man...not that we are to covet one anothers talents.

In Thr3e, the main character, Kevin, looks like your everyday man. In fact, he is your everyday man...with a secret that is trying to overtake him. He's good looking (why are all the hero's and heroine's good looking? Well, most), a seminary student...and deeply intellegent. What's not to like? His shattered and broken childhood.

Out of the blue, a stranger appears out of the blue who's sole desire is to tear Kevin down...mentally. What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall? He is consumed with opposites, and threes. There is a bomb in the car Kevin, and it will blow in 3 minutes if you don't confess your sin.

When Kevin is unaware of what "sin" he is too confess, he gets off the busy road as quickly as he can, cutting off drivers and clipping fenders. He gets to a safe place and, just when it seems that the stranger is just trying to make Kevin look like a fool- the car blows. The game is on.

He places a call to his best friend from childhood, the only one who knows at least some of his secrets, but even she doesn't know all. Samantha, who is now with the California Bureau of Investigations, comes to his aide.

But what happens in a world where nothing is what it seems? When black is white, when good is evil, and what's real is unreal?

Okay, so this sounds like a book review...which it is. I loved the book. But, even more so, a review on our lives. Kevin has this facination with absolute morals in the book, after his adoptive mother decided that the only truth in the world was what she made it...everything else is unreal. But he sees the same "sins" within the church as he saw in real world...just covered up, slid under the rug...kept in the dark.

What sins do we hide that we don't want the real world to see? What demons do we battle behind the scenes while everyday we smile and go on our merry way? And how do we beat them? We shine the light on them. Bring them out of the darkness and expose them to the light of day. They wither away.

What I want to do I do not do and what I don't want to do I do. I don't wish to yell at my kids, but I'm tired. My nerves are stretched. I want to be affectionate with my husband, but instead I lie and pray that he might touch me instead, crying warm tears and hoping he doesn't hear. Other sins that go on behind closed doors that no one knows about...sometimes the closed doors of our minds.

But, now how to go about exposing the light of day to them? I know what the Word says, and Jesus is the Light of the world. I know this. But, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. This is the man struggling between the two. And so the role play continues, until we find the answer.

Bloom Where You are Planted

2008-04-09T18:54:41Z

This whole year at MOPS our theme has been the home. At each speaker meeting the invited guest speaker would take a room of the house and speak on that particular room and relate it somehow to our relationships with each other and Christ. Last night's speaker spoke on the garden...the original garden, our own gardens that we plant, and the garden of our soul.

I started thinking of how I wanted to present my patio at the apartment. Spring is the perfect time to move in, I can plan on getting some containers and some hanging baskets to prepare for this summer. Include a few simple lawn chairs and a small table, and oil`a, a soothing place where I can commune with the Lord in the cool of the morning.

I have to admit, I didn't bloom very well at my mom's house. Rough, rocky ground led to a weakend stem. I do have to say that there was plenty of exposure to the SON so that was probably my only saving grace.

First thing that is happening at my new planting ground is, well, working the ground. We are starting with a clean slate. Fresh, clean ground-no clutter. Lots of good food. Room to grow. Exposure to sonlight everyday. Nurturing each other is very important as well. I want to impart Christ's frangrance around me where ever I go. Only when I'm blooming at my fullest, my most vibrant can I do that. Clean out the weeds of sin that try to choke me.

Transplanting is going to be fun.

Time in a Bottle

2008-04-04T20:08:11Z

My four year old has recently become obsessed with, of all things, time. Perhaps this is my fault. You see, she is my "dilly-dally", the one who becomes distracted by everything. And, if you are running late in the morning, you could probably look to her for the reason. It's hard to get upset, though, when you realize that's how God designed her.

The last month or so, she has finally learned that there is this thing that God created for us humans that is the glue that binds this universe together. Without time- everything would be chaos. She may not understand this, totally, but she's beginning to ask about today verses tomarrow, Monday verses Friday. She knows that Mommy has Saturday and Sunday off from work and that Sunday is "kids church". She knows preschool falls on Monday and Wednesday. She also knows to watch the clock on the tv and when it says 8 it is bedtime. She also knows that if it says 9 she has missed 8 and bedtime.

With this new found realization it's also changed her perspective on how long someone she loves is gone. When I leave for work in the morning, a simple "I'll be home later" sufficed. Now, it's not so simple.

"BYE MOM! I LOVE YOU! When will you be home?"

"I'll be home later, sweetie."

"No. What TIME will you be home?"

Hmmm...now she's locking me in on a time. I think about what I have to do that day and if I have to make any stops. I have to phrase this one carefully, though, because she has a memory like an elephant. This child remembers things that happened when she was a baby when I can't even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday. "I'll be home when the clock will say 5, 3, and 0. If I'm going to be late, I will call you." I kiss the munchkin on the top of the forehead, and she is satisfied.

She anticipates my return. She loves me, loves being with me, and misses me when I am gone.

How much more should we be like this with our Heavenly Father.

The older I get, the more I learn about how marvelous and wonderful He is, the more I anticipate His Return.

For God, time has no meaning, but in His infinite wisdom, He created it for us.

Someday we will not count our somedays...sometime very soon it will not have meaning for us either. We will still have our memories, but we will not be able to remember when.

But for now, we wait. Rachael waits for her mommy to come home. We wait until Abba sends His son to come for us. Blessed be the day.

Escape the Madness

2008-04-02T18:23:54Z

Our Easter theme this year was Escape the Madness. Yes, I know, Easter was over a week ago but I've been busy...running from my madness.

I haven't been quiet about what my madness is. Living in my mom's house with my own family. Well, I'm excited to say that hopefully next Saturday I will leave part of my madness behind me as we finally are getting back into our own place again. Our own space. Life is good.

But it's caused me to ponder today the things people do to escape their madness. There are a few, intellegent people that just take some personal time, go off by themselves with a good book and vegitate. Or, there are some that prefer to take a day to pamper themselves and go to a spa (I don't have the $$$ to do that, would that I could, so I try to do a personal spa treatment at home...doesn't quite have the same effect.) I once read an article from a well-meaning Christian wife and mother that doubted all of this "me" time. She argued that when one gets accustomed to "me" time and then doesn't get it, it can turn into resentment against her husband and kids. So, she for one lives perfectly fine without it. Wow, make that woman a saint for she is better than God himself...for even he rested on the seventh day. He would take walks through the Garden in the cool of the day.

Others turn to not so positive means of escape. For some, nicotine is their way of settling their nerves. Some overeat. (I don't think this is my problem...I'm just a foodie by nature and love to eat.) Others escape into a world of fantasy. Role playing games, computer games...sometimes they would rather sit idlely by controlling characters on a screen than face their family-their wife, their kids. Others, escape into a world of alcohol and drugs.

Escape sometimes comes at a price. The feeling of Abandonment. Picture with me a loving couple. Both plagued with past heartache that they share openly with each other, but neither can "fix" the other. It could be either, but perhaps most of the time it's the wife that shoves her baggage off to the side to make room for more in her life- her husband's baggage, plus just the new role that being a wife gives, and eventually motherhood. The husband, in this case anyhow, still can't clear the hurdles of his past. He thinks he's brought them to the Lord, put them at his feet. But then, rushes back to pick them up again, afraid to go on without them.

In one suitcase he's bundled the death of his best friend. In another, the abandonment by his family. In a third, the violation he's experienced at a young age. They are heavy, cumbersome. They hurt to carry them. So, he's chosen other means to escape them, make them easier to carry. Alcohol. Drugs. He's done things to forget. Yet, he can't.

He has since laid down the drugs, but the alcohol lingers. It no longer carries a sting. It goes down as smooth as water. Fantasy also pulls him in. Immersing himself for hours in a world that would otherwise be socially unacceptable for him to be in...gambling away fortunes he himself will never realize in real life, violently killing others who stand in his way of him creating an empire for himself. It's control, control he's lost in real life.

The wife is left by herself. Dealing with the reality of children, diapers, housework, career...A life she loves, but she feels again abandoned by the man who is supposed to love her unconditionally. She cries herself to sleep at night because he is to ashamed of himself to love her, so he turns away from her.

And yet, he has felt the Ultimate Escape. The escape that comes from only one source...the Holy Spirit. She has felt it too...and only in His Presence do they feel the connection between themselves heal, and they feel like one again. Only in the Light can healing begin. Only there they can Escape to Peace.

Freedom is coming...little by little. She cared enough to give the ultimatum. Get help or get out. Tough love. He got help for the alcohol. The only negative escape now, the only addiction left, is the game. The fantasy. But the abandonment still lingers.

There is only one answer.

It's Friday! Sunday's a comin'!

2008-03-21T16:32:27Z

Yesterday was my birthday, and, while this might seem strange, I got the privilage of going to church for my birthday.

With yesterday being Maundy Thursday as well, it gave me new meaning for me to pause to consider what the One who gave me life also has done for me. He not only gave me life, but Life eternal, for dying in my place. Taking my punishment for all I have done wrong, all I will do wrong. All the bad thoughts, all the bad actions I've done in haste. Even the ones I've carefully considered and still followed through on, because I am human.

Every year 13 men dress, from head to toe, in garments and cloaks. They place sandals upon their feet, or go barefooted. One of these men in particular even grows out his hair for months-just for one week out of the year.

This particular man also dressed last Sunday while a group of us also volunteered to dress, following him into the worship center waving palms. Palms of victorious celebration. The King is coming! Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! My daughters even became part of the celebration, dressing and cheering; my oldest went to Jesus and he lifted her up onto his shoulders.

How different now this scene that unfolds before the watching eyes of the congregation.

Twelve men, sharing a meal with the one called Jesus. Laughing, talking, rejoicing in the celebration of the passover meal. God rescues us from slavery. From the slavery of the Egyptian taskmasters. From the slavery of the sin taskmasters.

But, the celebration doesn't last. One of you will betray me. One of you will deny me. And, I must leave you, and where I am going you can not follow.

Suddenly, dark clouds come over the once lively feast. One of you will betray me. Is it me, Lord? Is it me? He gives him honor, dips the bread in the dish and hands it to him. One last chance? Possibly. But Satan enters him and the Lord commands him, practically utters his own death sentence. "What you have to do, do it quickly."

One of you will deny me. Is it me, Lord? How often is it that we, also, deny Him? When we choose not to help our fellow man, our neighbor? When we miss Him speaking to us, or we choose to ignore His calling? When we speak a word out of anger? When our eyes glance upon something not fitting for us to behold? When we miss an opportuntiy to share His love? Is it me, Lord?

I must leave you, and where I am going you cannot follow. No, Lord. Don't go. We would be lost without you. We want to go with you. We don't know what we ask. Where He must go includes torture, crucifixion, death. To battle evil. To the depths of hell itself. Even worse, total abandonment from the Father.

Then. Jesus smiled.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.You know the way to the place where I am going."

How? We don't know where you are going!

I am the Way. The Way of Eternal Life. I have come so that you may have life, to the fullest. I will die so that you may truly live.

I am the Truth. All Truth comes from me. Listen to my words, so that you may know the way. I will overtake the father of Lies and give you all authority over him.

I am the Light. Turn from the darkness where you cannot see. The world is covered in darkness, but I am the Light of the world.

No one comes to the Father except through me. I will come again for you, but until then I will send you the Counselor, the Spirit of truth, to comfort you until that day.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. Now the prince of this world is coming, but he has no hold over me. The world must learn that I love the Father and I do his bidding. Let us go now.

Go. To the garden. To pray. To weep. To suffer. To strike a blow to the serpent's head. A kiss. A fixed trial. A cock crowing. Darkness. Night turns into day. Thorns. Whips. A cross. A journey. A hill. Seven words. It is finished. Day turns into night. All creation shudders. The veil is torn. Now we see the Holy of Holies.

But this is only Friday.

Sunday is coming.

(It's Friday! Sunday's a comin!" from Tony Campolo. Other inspiration from Rev. Brad Knorr's message "The Upper Room" March 20, 2008. Thank God for Friday!)

Finally... V A C A T I O N !!!

2008-02-22T23:00:32Z

Not that I'm going anywhere...I take that back. Friday I am going to Chicago with my friends from work. That does not mean I can scratch Chicago off my 100 list since I said I want to take the family, not take the "fam". (Little travel agent humor there LOL)

We got our itineraries today and it looks like we have all afternoon to enjoy Chicago, meaning Shedd Aquarium and Navy Pier. Maybe. Depends on what my amigo wants to do, too, 'cuz I'm not touring Chi-town on my own. But it'll give me a great idea of what to do for our fam vacation later in the year.

I just finished doing my SMART team registration for this next quarter, which means anytime that there is emergency travel-related overtime, I get called up. Great way hopefully to gazelle our way through our debt...and it also means I can't do a second job until the end of the quarter at the earliest. Which is fine, overtime at my job is worth much more than any second job can pay.

The Jeremy Camp/Toby Mac concert is tonight. I so wanted to go. I am hoping beyond hope that dh snuck us some tickets under the radar, and then playing it up that he is so sad we couldn't go. He wanted to drop me off at work this morning (he had today off, which is unusual) then asked if I wanted Chinese tonight for supper. Yummo, anytime.

Which brings me back to Chicago...and food. I wonder how cool it would be to enjoy lunch in Chinatown? Nah, the thought of the possibility of being served dog just doesn't settle well with my pallet. I think I'll go for Bubba Gump at da pier. Yummo!

Okay, it's late, dh is waiting and I'm finish up my timesheet so I can split like a sundae. Speaking of Sunday, Kaleigh's party is on Sunday. It'll be fun, I'm sure.

Toodaloo!

In the time of wine and roses

2008-02-15T23:08:04Z

Ah, those were the days! Romantic music playing, enjoying long sips of champagne whilst bathing in each other's eyes. Languising on rack of lamb...the screaming kid in the background...

Oh dear reality. Now instead Valentine's day is filled with tantrums because there was no FPU class last night, so there is no reason to go to church where the girls can go to the nursery to play. HUGE bummer here. I kind of felt like going out since it was V-day anyway but dear old hubby was a no go. In fact, I felt totally UNLOVED here last night. So, I took the older two...we ran into town and I went to one of our local Christian stores to get a present for him, and then to Papa Murphy's for a heart-shaped pizza...and then we came home. The girls' need for adventure had been satisfied, and I was kind of feeling bummed out because my second half wasn't with me.

The only indication he gave yesterday about it being V-day was that in the morning he wished me a "Happy" one. Guys-take note here. The only way your wives' V-days are going to be good ones is if you actually DO something more than wish her a happy one! It doesn't have to be much...trust me, I'm on the Dave plan...even a Computer card done on the computer and dinner would have sufficed.

But, no. He "kissed" me on for dinner then rolled over and went to sleep. I felt so...empty.

I could choose to through a pity party for myself...but I won't. I have too much to do. I just hope and pray that we get picked to go to the marriage conference for free since we can't afford to pay for it.

Anyway-nothing has been accomplished-as of yet-on my list. I just have way too many other things to think about right now.

I think tonight would make a good night for me and a bathful of bubbles and some good music.

The Time is Here!

2008-02-04T19:52:33Z

Okay, so the day has come and past...the first day of 1001. Technically we are into 997 (gasp!)

I can't say I have completed any as of yet, but perhaps I should take a look at what I can get started on...

4. Donate outgrown girl's clothes (actually these are sorted out, I just need to take somewhere or freecycle. I had debated about selling them to make a little extra $$ but they aren't worth that much) I could take care of this one this week probably.

14. Develop a working budget (constantly in the "works"-maybe one of these days we'll figure it out and not have so many budget busters.)

15. Deposit $5 in the girls' savings accounts every week-Starting this week...this should be interesting...I guess I'll put a disclaimer in that the goal is to have the total at the end be where it needs to be...because I'm sure that there will be some weeks we just won't get to the bank.

19. Take the girls hiking Rachael and Emma both got their hiking boots this past weekend...Rachael's is really big on her, but it'll give her room for a double pair of socks for extra comfort. Now this coming weekend DH will get his hiking boots and on a warm weekend soon we'll throw them all in the car, along with the backpack carrier for Kaleigh...and we'll head someplace close for our first hiking trip.

66. Take mom to 2 craft shows There will be plenty of spring craft shows coming up very soon. This one should be easy.

73. Finish writing my book- I guess I'd better get crackin'!

74. Watch AFI's 100 Greatest Movies of All Time- I'd better download the list and pick one to watch this weekend...Of course, many I have already seen, but it might be cool to start at the bottom with 100 and work my up. That would make it a Yankee Doodle Dandy weekend!

90. Find and buy a copy of "Dark Carnival" by Ray Bradbury- I've been wanting this for years! It has been out of print for years and the only copy I've ever found was very expensive for me at the time...I guess I should start searching! At the moment Amazon has 1 used in stock for $1000, and five used from other sellers between $425 and 2,250.00 ! Plus shipping of $3.25. YIKES! And, even better...how about $5000 for a first edition signed copy on ebay...oh yea, I'm drooling over here. But, unfortunately, this is one that I may not be getting to mark off my list!

On to other news...Congrats the the GIANTS for winning the Super Bowl (and my appologies to my dh's friend Russ since the Pats lost....but he already has, count them, FOUR Super Bowl rings to his credit...my husband loves to gloat the fact that once a time even he has tackled the great Russ Hochstein, and that he could have been there. LOL) I missed all the action in the fourth quarter as I had children to put to bed. I had watched three BORING quarters...and three BORING quarters of Super Bowl commericials...in fact, what were MOST of them thinking! We holed up in our room, sometimes with 3 kids all at once making noise and running around...eating pizza, chips and fishy shrimp (not too many of the fishy shrimp actually, I think most found their way to the trash can.)

My favs for the Super Bowl commercials (trust me there aren't that many...)

1. Bud commericials- namely, the first one "Now, the ability to breathe fire" and "Hank" to the theme of Rocky.
2. Pepsi Max- "Baby Don't Hurt Me" with what's-his-name from SNL at the end...that was funny.

There were a few I missed during fourth quarter when I was trying to put the sprouts down to bed that sounded pretty good. I may try to search them out online this afternoon.

Connections and alone time...

2008-01-30T18:22:17Z

I gave Hubby the best birthday present...the gift of myself.

Now before you start thinking I have a big head, I totally don't. But, considering our situation right now, we've had very limited time "alone."

So, going off my connections (sometimes I LOVE being a travel agent...even if it is only corporate!) I got us a complementary hotel room for the night. I wanted it to be a surprise, but it didn't quite work out that way...nonetheless, he thought it was PERFECT.

We took the older two to their grandmother's (his mom) for the night, but first we took them to dinner and then swimming. I have a question though...how could someone look forward so much to swimming and then as soon as they get into the water put a death grip to your neck?!? After some working with her eventually I got her to relax enough to float on her back, by herself. Daddy had our 2 year old jumping in from the side of the pool...she was so comfortable she decided to go to the 9 foot end and jump in. *GASP* Luckily I could read her mind and followed her down there...

The next morning we had breakfast, and then went down to enjoy a dip in the hot tub...very nice. (And noticed how I glossed over to the next morning...I will tell you that we both enjoyed very nice back massages given by each other...)

That afternoon we went to the Pizza Machine...so much fun. Of course the girls wouldn't touch a bite of lunch...heaven forbid since there was a WORLD of games just waiting for them on the other side!

I got to take Rachael on the Go-Karts...and even though we came in "last" it was so much fun zipping around the track. We also went on the "roller coster" together.

We spent a little more than we had budgeted...shame on us, but it was so much fun! This morning I'm paying for it with achy muscles...it was more workout that my body had seen for a great while! But I wouldn't have passed it up for the world.

Frustration and Anticipation...

2008-01-28T22:58:43Z

My oldest dd, who is in preschool, was supposed to have a luncheon day and then a presentation with exotic animals. Very exciting, and I could have SWORN that the flyer said it was today. No, it was last week. I was so frustraited this morning, I could have cried. This is not the first thing that she has had to miss.

But, in just a few minutes, I am off work, and I have tomarrow off. I have a free hotel room tonight, for me and dearest hubby...and we are going to take the girls swimming...and then, they are off to grandmas and we are having a bit of R and R...

This is why my post for today is going to be so short. No postings for tomarrow either, we are off to Pizza Machine for lunch and fun...and then either Bass Pro Shop or Cabellas just to treat daddy since he's never been.

See you on Wednesday!

101 Little Things...1001 Days

2008-01-25T00:32:32Z

Start Date: February 1st, 2008
End Date: October 29th, 2010

The List:

Home-
1. Buy a house
2. Organize room by room
3. Weed through Book Collection
4. Donate outgrown girl's clothes
5. Plant a garden
6. Pick a room in our new house to be our "conversation" room
7. Shine my sink every night for 2 months (hopefully a habit will be formed)
8. Declutter 50 useless things

Finances-
9. Save 3-6 months expenses for Emergency Fund
10. Pay off credit card
11. Get debt free except for my student loan.
12. Start our Roth IRA
13. Write our will
14. Develop a working budget
15. Deposit $5 in the girls' savings accounts every week

Travel/Adventure
16. Hike Glacier National Park
17. See Grand Canyon
18. See the sunrise from a mountain
19. Take the girls hiking
20. Buy a Mountain Bike
21. Start cycling
22. Go to Chicago-take Family
23. See the ocean
24. Go skiing
25. Go to the Black Hills
26. Watch the sun set on a beach
27. Take a completely spontaneous getaway
28. Get a passport

Health
29. Loose 50 lbs
30. Start cycling
31. No drinking soda for 3 months
32. Do 15 minutes "loving movement" every day for 3 months
33. Drink 64 oz (3 water bottles) every day for 3 monhts
34. Hike every Saturday morning for a month
35. Try one new fruite each week next summer (2008)
36. Go to farmer's market 3 times next summer (2008)
37. Do a self breast exam once a month for a year
38. Do Couch to 5K-finally!
39. Get accountability partner on Sparkpeople.com

Spiritual
40. Go to a Joyce Meyer conference
41. Read Battlefield of the Mind
42. Participate in Step Out
43. Volunteer in Student Edge- girls small group mentor
44. Join small group study
45. Do devotions with the girls once a week
46. Read the bible every day for 6 months

Marriage
47. Plan a date night with him every month
48. Plan a weekend getaway w/ him once every six months
49. Go to a marriage conference
50. Ask him every day if there is some way I can "bless" him
51. Skinnydip!
52. Take him on our honeymoon- cruise
53. Park the car at "Look Out Point", turn up the radio and get out and dance together
54. Make love in the rain
55. Join Al Anon

Girls
56. Take the girls hiking
57. Take the girls to 10 museums
58. Take the girls on a true camping trip
59. Build a snowman
60. Build a snowfort
61. Take them to KC for our girl's getaway
62. Take Rachie to a play at the children's theater
63. Take the girls roller skating
64. Take them sledding
65. Start scrapbooks for each one

Family/Friends
66. Take mom to 2 craft shows
67. Scrapbook or archive family prints
68. Treat Michelle to lunch
69. Babysit Christian and Andrew so that Mary and Shannon can go out
70. Take the family portrait
71. Send my boss a "thank you" card
72. Handwrite letters/cards to each of my friends

Me
73. Finish writing my book
74. Watch AFI's 100 Greatest Movies of All Time
75. Take photography classes at Metro
76. Dye my hair again
77. Take a yoga class
78. Get a massage
79. Get a pedicure
80. Go to a Rams game IN ST. LOUIS
81. Pick up painting again
82. Visit the botanical garden
83. Take a leadership class
84. Become a certified Dave Ramsey counselor
85. Buy my Nikkon D-40X
86. Document Omaha in B&W
87. Buy some lingerie
88. Blog every day for a month
89. Create my photography portfolio
90. Find and buy a copy of "Dark Carnival" by Ray Bradbury
91. Collect all the seasons of Quantum Leap on DVD
92. Collect all of the Harry Potter movies on DVD
93. Join a bowling league again
94. Buy myself flowers
95. Read 20 nonfiction/historical books

OTHERS
96. Participate in Relay for Life
97. Volunteer at the woman's shelter
98. Buy canvas grocery bags and use them
99. Put change in an expired parking meter
100. Donate $1 for every task not completed

101. CELEBRATE!!!

101 things in 1001 days...

2008-01-22T20:22:00Z

A dear friend of mine posted on my mom's board about a website http://www.triplux.com/dayzero/ which promotes the idea of creating a list (think The Bucket List) of 101 things you would like to do. You put it together and you have 1001 days to complete everything on the list, or about 2 3/4 years. I read someone else's ideas since I'm not creative at all it seems (I know I am but some days...whooo!) It sounds very interesting...and not something to be entered into lightly, although it looks like some have. But everyone owns their own list...

The list I was looking at was really interesting. She has things divided into categories. Things such as health, adventure/travel, reading/writing, learning, arts and entertainment, overstuffed (clutter), it's not all about me...I like those categories, and she really put thougth and effort on what she wanted to do with her list.

It really makes me wonder if I'm truly living life to the fullest, or if I'm just doing the minimum to get by. The more I think about it...the more I really want to make my list.

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Birthday parties, Magic Wands, and Fairy Dust

2008-01-21T15:36:36Z

So this weekend Rachael finally got her birthday party. It seems this year her birthday is being stretched to it's limit! LOL! She finally got her Tinkerbell cake she has been wanting, that I stayed up until Midnight on Saturday creating. It turned out really nice, except the flowers didn't want to pipe right. (But, if we wanted to nitpick, the cake didn't rise evenly either so to me it looked like the leaning tower of Pisa...in her eyes though it was magic!) I wish I could put up a picture of it but I could not find mom's digital camera (I have one but we always end up with issues over ours. I can put batteries in this one and I take two pictures and it's dead. I don't know what's wrong with it.)

On her birthday her grandma gave her a Tinkerbell music box...(which I almost had to use on her cake because the store I typically go to for my cake decorating supplies were out of the Tinkerbell candle. Luckily, the second store I tried had them.) Then Saturday she got her Tinkerbell comforter she has been asking for since Christmas. She even got to pick it out, the one with a picture of TB covering the whole thing, or the purple block one with TB's name across it, which was 10 dollars more for some reason. I advised her if she got the cheaper one, she could have the sheets right away, if she took the more expensive one, she'd have to wait for her sheets. She took the more expensive one, which I figure is best because it should last her longer.

Her grandparents then gave her a porcelain tea set, and her aunt and uncle gave her a princess dress up set, complete with crown, magic wand, necklace, earings, and shoes...which she wore all night last night. She was so happy, she had such a great time.

We had decided to get pizza for the party, and then decided that instead we would buy the toppings and pita bread and have the kids make their own pizzas. They had such a good time, and I didn't get near enough it seemed! I had to run back out to the store to buy more cheese, pepperoni and olives. Note to self: Overbuy ingredients so that you don't have to run to the store in the middle of the party. You can always freeze and reuse later what you don't use.

When her Aunt Michelle finally arrived after work, she finally got to have her cake which she begged for all night. Her eyes sparkled as we sang. I asked her after she blew out the candles if she remembered to make her wish. She said she did. I was dying to know what she wished for, but instead I told her not to tell anyone or it won't come true. I think I knew what she wished for anyway. She's been telling me she wants us to have our own house where we can sleep. Where we can play. I haven't really discussed the fact with her prior to this, but every day she tells me she wants our own house. I tell her I'm working on it.

She was putting on her pj's when we left her, all excited for her sleep over at her Aunt Michelle's house with her cousins, which she got to use her TB sleeping bag and packed her clothes in her TB suitcase. It's so funny, she's had both of those things for a long time, but it just kind of made last night perfect for her.

Happy 4th Birthday baby!

Edit: I just had to tell...I can't tell all, but after I wrote this a friend shared some very interesting and possibly very exciting news regarding the house hunt situation...I don't want to make a huge thing of it now in case it doesn't come through, but it just adds to my increasing happiness for the day!

Roadmaps help us get from point A to point B...

2008-01-14T21:04:48Z

So on Friday I listed my/our goals for our financial year 2008. Today I thought I might organize and make the plans. That long term goal about my student loans, by the way, would totally be a God thing if I can get it to happen-- I got the payment agreement back after getting a verbal forebearance on it the other day, and I felt like the lion just caught up with the gazelle and had his lunch. Possibly supper as well. With interest if I only pay the minimums ($500 per month) I will end up paying back $80,000 in interest on top of what I owe. Now, if I can make payments toward the principal, obviously I'll be cutting back my interest dramatically. However, even $500 a month for us right now is a tough pill to swallow. But, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, I suppose.

Baby step #1: $1000 in the bank by February 29th This one should be fairly easy as we get five regular paychecks and our income tax refund. Sometimes having kids is a good thing!

This one I've eaked out for the most part already. Attack it quick, then don't touch it for anything. Game plan: set aside $250 per paycheck if possible next month...some out of the income tax if need be. I want it done, we've played around with it long enough...February 29th by the latest...sooner is better.

Tithe consistantly: No explanation needed on this one...game plan: take it off first, off the top. Set up electronic withdraw each month on our account so we don't see it...other option is to give it in cash. That was dear hubby's suggestion, but I can see cash getting spent on Saturday before we even get to Sunday. Besides, accounting for cash donations is harder at tax time, if I so choose to take the tax break, and I might as well.

Get a rental house. We are getting the HouseExchange book this weekend, which will run about $60, as much as I hate to do it, it will give us an up to date listing of rental houses in the area. I do hereby promise not to jump into the first house we look at, but give it almost as much research as we would if we were purchasing it. More important, the Landlord has to not give us a sour impression...I've worked with enough crappy landlords if we are going to go into this longterm, I want someone I like working with. Goal moving date: Last week of February. I have vacation that whole week. I can pack how I want to pack and unpack how I want to pack. Good news: we're moving out of mom's so if we don't get it all out that week, it's no big deal. It's not going anywhere.

Budget that works and something I didn't include in this one All expenses paid for in Cold Hard C.A.S.H.
Starting this payday...cash taken out and put in the envelopes for everything. This means gas, groceries, dining out (two "big" occasions the next two weeks, Saturday when we meet with my best friends and we celebrate oldest dear daughter's birthday, and then on the 29th as we go to the big pizza/game place, sorta like a Chuck E. Cheese but waaaaay better. Note to self: set budget on both, especially pizza place. 2nd note to self: need to set up budget for the next two weeks.)

Bills P.I.F. This means AFTER putting the $1000 aside, compiling a new debt snowball on all of our bills and letting it roll. We should be able to knock several out of the way with income tax...but there are other things that also need to come out of income tax as well. I will do more planning on this one later since it comes AFTER baby step 1.

Set up the "Love Drawer" probably the easiest one and yet the easiest one to set aside until later. I'll set the goal to have it done before we move, that way when we do everything is in the firebox in one safe place. Will I put it off until the last minute...of course. I'll have to set more concrete goals on that one more in the future.

I also have Major purchases on my list, but I haven't thought much about those either. The plan is to decide how much we want to spend and put that aside each month...but we haven't even decided that yet. So, I guess, decide how much we want to spend, then decide how much we'll need to put aside each month. Then, walk in with cash in hand. How lovely is that? Brainflash: Walmart is not the only place to consider for our tv...we should shop around with our cash in hand and see who will give us the BBD (bigger better deal). I've only considered Walmart really before because we buy everything there, but I don't see Joe Blow employee as being in a spot where he can haggle...but there are other places that can. And, I like the idea having the mindset that we don't HAVE to shop Walmart, but we can go to some of the "better" places. Bingo!

Also School for Jimmy...that may be put off another year...he's hopefully getting a second job to help out with above steps...we'll see when fall comes.

TGIF!

2008-01-11T20:55:30Z

I logged in to check my email today and I had my monthly newsletter from Mr. Dave. I'm all still hyped after class last night, but a bit embarrased to say we are still on babystep #1: $1000 in the bank. By this time I had "put" $1000 into savings, but it seems like every day is an emergency so we pull out the money we've put in...this is like trying to fill a bathtub with a teaspoon. Very frustrating.

So anyway, hyped but embarrased, I open up our monthly email newsletter and find that Dave is talking about setting goals for the New Year, and that we have to "write them down." Funny...John Hagee was talking on that same topic last night on writing down the visions God has given to us...not that I got to watch all of it, I was trying to put two hyper children to bed.

I was convinced. I went to the supply room and got out a new steno notebook (geeze these are thinner than the last bunch!) and made a list. We're going to list everything out here as well. We'll call the first list:

~~Short Term Goals '08~~

Baby step #1: $1000 in the bank by February 29th This one should be fairly easy as we get five regular paychecks and our income tax refund. Sometimes having kids is a good thing!
Tithe consistantly: No explanation needed on this one.
Get a rental house. Hit to my pride on this one. We both were having some conviction by the Lord on this one (see previous post.) Even Dave, personally, told us we must rent first. And pay off my student loans, but that's another story (I'll write on that in a bit)....Baby steps 1, 2, and 3 must be in the bag prior to us considering purchasing our home, since we don't have one yet. AND, our payments must be 1/4 or less of our take home pay. SINCE there is no way we can healthfully live any longer with my mom (not unless I want to be facing the big D-I-V-O-R-C-E, anyway) we are looking for a rental house. Note to self: check with church to see if anyone is looking for a renter.
Budget that works. Just finished up a quicky budget for renting a house...now I will put together one that more closely reflects the next few months. Then we need weekly family meetings to compare/contrast and see where we are at.
Groceries. Interesting short term goal, but it does have a purpose. Consistantly using my menu plans resource in order to plan and prepare for the week/month. We all must also eat healthier-snack foods should be kept on a treat basis...not "I got groceries-I mean popcicles" trip.
Bills P.I.F.-This one is a biggie, but put towards the bottom of the list in terms of "priority." While these are a huge thing, I must keep in mind that what is even more of a priority is God, food, and house...in that order. These bills include: Walmart check, Sprint (Northland Group), Chase (ICK!), Jimmy's credit cards, ACS, and some of our medical bills. Also need to take care of Altell too, but we should have gotten that early disconnection fee waved (we had them for over two years!) but I don't think I got it done in time.
Set up the "Love Drawer" which for us will mean our firesafe. Important documents, account numbers, phone numbers...everything we may ever need in case of an emergency...all in one place.
School for Jimmy. It's become increasingly important for him to finish his culinary degree if we want him to advance in his field. I know the majority of great artists probably never went to culinary school, but in today's job market this is looked for more and more. Very important.
Major purchases that need to be saved for. Second car, very important however not as important if we did get a rental house that is on a bus line, or close by....but saving for a "newer" car is very important because the one we have won't last forever. Second major purchase- HD television set. Typically not so important but with the conversion next year, it'd be kind of nice to be able to watch some tv afterward. I have to do more research on the matter it may not be as important as they make it sound.

~~Medium-Term Goals (Jan '09-'11)~~
still a work in progress

Baby Step #2- Way to be-Debt Free! Well, except for perhaps the student loans, which are going to take time...lots and lots of time. So, while I want to really hit them with gazelle speed after everything else is paid for, I also realize it may not be smart to wait to move onto Baby Step 3 until they are all paid for. This also does not include the mortgage. Why do I include student loans in this? Because, they are basically a mortgage...just nothing but my college degree to show for them though. Yuck!
Baby Step #3- 3 to 6 months of expenses in the bank. After everything but the student loan is paid for.
Save for a better car- goal here is about $5-6000 in the bank to pay cash for a good used van. I got to get the girls transported around some how!
Save for the house downpayment Also important.

I'm sure more will come later as we go.

~~Long-Term Goals (2011-on)~~
of course also a work in progress...

Debt free (including student loans, not including mortgage) in 7 years. By the way, this is a giant step of faith on this one, that will only come true if the Lord is behind it. This means giving the student loan company basically 10,000 every year until this is paid of...actually more. Am I crazy? You bet! I'm tired of having these hang like a black cloud over my head.
Own our own home. Will we get to pay cash for it like Dave? Probably not, but we'll get it on our standards. 15-year-mortgage, not more than 1/4 of our income for monthly payments...can we say 5% or less interest? Also, with more than 20% of the purchase price as a down payment, no PMI payments. Also, we may try to work it so we can pay our insurance and taxes outside of our mortgage so no interest on those things.
Paying cash for all purchases including our cars. I'd love to drive an almost brand-new Tahoe with no payments! Can you say Loving It?
Working for Retirement Our dream? A $100,000 RV and go see the country. Grand Canyon here we come. Dave's philosophy- Live like no one else now so later on we can live like no one else.
College Savings Three little ladies might not get to be an alum of mom's private school she thought she had to go to, but then again my three little ladies won't have $70,000 in student loans to contend with when they are done either.

Dear hubby's father has Sirius radio. Last night he was hanging out at his parents apartment while waiting on me to get off work so we could go to class. HIs parents had stepped out to go get dinner for themselves so he was alone, playing on the computer and listening to, of all people, Dave on the radio. He was thinking about our desire to buy our own house, and my massive amount of student loans (try the tune of $75,000...this is our house.) So, he decided to email Dave on the air about the situation we are in and that we have this mountain of student loans I keep consolidating/deferring because I don't have the money to pay them. Sure enough, I wasn't there very long when Dave answered his email on the air. That's when he told us that baby steps 1, 2, and 3 must be done prior to purchasing a house and that I need to stop deferring my student loans. It was so cool to have him actually speaking to us, directly. And I take to heart everything Dave says because I know he is doing all possible to handle money per God's dictates.

Sanity? Who needs it?

2008-01-10T21:44:47Z

*sigh* Kind of a slow day, thank goodness. Gives time to do some other things...like look at houses! So I was on one of the real estate websites today window shopping, and I've found some I do like...

We've got a few more bills we really do have to pay, like stupid Chase. I implore you, never, never take out any loans, credit cards...anything that gives Chase money and keeps them in business. It's just not us that has had problems, but other people as well. Try to stay away.

We feel like we're caught between a rock and a hard spot here...can't get a house until we pay our bills and get some stored away into savings...can't pay our bills and store anything away into savings because our gasoline bill is so high....Can't lower our gasoline bill until we find a new house closer or in town...We could rent but that would take all the money we have that we are trying to save now. Vicious circle continues...oh well, we will not only survive, but thrive!

Tonight is the first night of our second round with Dave Ramsey. I love Dave. I love the plan. Dear Hubby missed most of the meetings last year because this was when we were having problems. He also is now paying some stupid tax with $$$$$ at the end, thank you dear! Not the right time for this.....but I digress (Thinking Positive Thoughts...My Husband is the head of the household and makes Godly decisions....) So I told him that as "punishment" he had to take the FPU class again...but I would come with him. But I think I covered all of this previously, so I'll move on.

I'm trying to wait on the Lord regarding what we are to do on this house, but it's hard. Very hard. My dear hubby and I think we've heard a call from him to go back to renting for a season-and then practice saving hard until we can show good faithfullness with our finances. Problem is houses in the nicer areas around town can go for between one and two thousand dollars. Anything less and we have to watch ourselves. I did find one just today in a nice, older neighborhood which is definately within our price range. I'm having dear hubby call on it for me, perhaps we can move in on our income tax refund, Lord willing.

I am started to get excited even with the prospect of just renting for awhile. Just being in our own place again, where the girls can roam free is very exciting. I can start my routines again with FlyLady in keeping the place organized and not in CHAOS.

Now, I am finally getting around to who FlyLady is. She's a beautiful, curvy lady with wings who gives hope to all who come upon her site. From someone who had CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) reign in her home, she learned through simple routines that she can do anything for 15 minutes a day. We can to. We can get up, make the bed, get dressed to shoes, empty the dishwasher, and put breakfast on...okay perhaps not all of that in quite 15 mintues...but that's a sample morning routine. Then, we do a five minute room rescue, our daily zone mission, reboot the laundry..15 minute zone work...evening routine of starting the dishwasher, laying out the clothes for the next day, time for you and bed. Okay that's if you are a SAH (stay at home) flybaby. I, unfortunately, work so our day more consists of get up, feed the baby, get dressed to shoes and out the door. Come home, through dinner on, play with my children, eat dinner, put the children to bed, pick the most important chore to do and then sack out at the end of the day. But, I did extremely well for a first timer while I was still preggo and I conquered my cluttery trashy, Can't-Have-Anyone-Over house to something I was quite proud of...and I would like to do again.

It's also menu day. I've printed off the dinner menu from last week from menus4moms.com. Another very helpful site to the frazzled mom. Designed for homeschooling moms, it's perfect for me, the working mom, as well. Just think, someone actually puts together the next week's dinner menu for me...now if I can only get them to do the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning...lol. But I digress. Hey, it's free, what more do you want?

The only negative side about it is that they come out at best two weeks ahead of time, and at worse, one. I say this as we plan our groceries we've had set aside a certain portion to buy staples at Costco...makes it a bit difficult to not know ahead of time what we'd be needing for the month. We can go back four weeks and use the archives...but it seems to make it more difficult than what it needs to be. Luckily, for the most part, she reuses the same ingredients most of the time...so as long as you get to know her patterns, you can guestimate what you are going to need.

Well, hopefully dear hubby will have heard good news on this house and we can let you know. I'm already getting images of us entertaining our friends and relatives again. Something I miss quite a bit.

Lots of little random things.

2008-01-08T19:40:23Z

I just have several little things to get down today.

First of all, Congratulations to LSU last night on a fine bowl victory and to Coach Pellini who wrapped up a terrific season and we are excited to have you come to Nebraska! What a way to end a season and a season of life and start a new season!

Second, it is caucus day in New Hampshire, which normally would not have impressed me but for the first time I think ever in my life I wish I still lived in Iowa so I could have participated in the Iowa caucus. Never before has politics interested me as they have this year! I am fully supporting Mike Huckabee for 2008 and I wish that Nebraska was a caucusing state. If he gets the nomination nod I'm thinking of becoming a local volunteer. If you want more info on where he stands on the issues, please check out his website.

Otherwise, I don't have much to speak on today as we've had a busy day at work again, but a much better day than yesterday. Tonight is our first MOPS (Mom's of Preschooler's) meeting since Christmas and I'm very excited to get back. We have a fairly new group and I love the fact someone finally recognized the need for one in the evenings since so many mom's now adays need to work outside of the home. DON'T ever get me wrong, I love stay at home moms and I honor them...and hopefully I can become at the very least a work at home mom through my photography business here in the next few years.

Anything else? Hmmm...The weather is warm(er) than it has, I should be thinking of getting out and conditioning my hiking legs. There is just not enough time in the day to fit everything in...perhaps I should look at that someday. Priorities ma'am...priorities! We'll have to check the weather and the calendar perhaps for Saturday morning.

Well, I suppose it's nose back to the grinding stone...I have five minutes left to my lunch and lots of records to q/a today.